Hold On, I'm On My Hamburger Phone
by Undercooked
Summary: Indie-esque highschool drabbles that involve such things as marshmallows, dubious grand theft auto, and trampolines.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: These are very dry, dialogue based drabbles, so I don't take like fifteen minutes explaining the surroundings or anything. They're kind of indie-movie-esque...I had Juno in mind while I was scribbling. The title is a Juno quote too. Obviously.

Disclaimer: No. Noooo. No.

**Hold On, I'm On My Hamburger Phone**

**by Undercooked**

"Hi Zuko," said Mai, waving.

"How long have you been sitting on my trampoline?"

She checked her cell phone.

"Two hours."

"You only sit on the trampoline when you're upset."

"Who says I just don't like the trampoline?"

"You bounce when you're sad."

She took a glug of cranberry juice out of the bottle and replied,

"I can go home if you want me to."

"No, you can stay - do you...want me to go back inside?"

"That's okay."

He sat on the trampoline beside her; they both stared at a tree for a moment before she said,

"Do you want cranberry juice?"

He took the bottle and drank some.

"Zuko!" screamed Azula from an open upstairs window. "Your phone was in my room, and it rang! And I'm TRYING to practice my clarinet!"

His phone flew through the window and landed in a bush.

"Hey," Katara yelled just then, riding by on her bike. "Your phone is in a bush."

"I know," Zuko replied.

"Kay. Sorry you're on the trampoline today, Mai," she called over her shoulder.

"I'm not upset, Katara!"

"Whatever!" She waved, then turned a corner and was gone.

"Hey," called the old man who lived across the street. "Your phone's in a bush."

"We should move," Zuko suggested.


	2. Chapter 2

**Two**

"There's fruit in my shoe," said Mai, sitting on the low brick wall between the two houses.

"Why?" asked Zuko, who was hanging upside down off of the trampoline.

"Tom-Tom dumped all the fruit cups out in my shoe."

"So you put it on?"

"I didn't want to touch it. Fruit cups are gross."

"Hey Mai!" yelled Ty-lee out of the window of a parked car. "Come in this car with me."

"Why?"

"'Cause it's not my car."

"Isn't that illegal, Ty-lee?"

"I dunno. But there are tissues in here."

"Cool," said Mai, dismounting the wall to get into the car.


	3. Chapter 3

**Three**

A fishing hook flew over the wall.

Mai hooked a marshmallow to onto it, and watched as it was reeled in.

"I don't like marshmallows," Zuko called from over the wall.

Mai ate another such marshmallow and called back,

"Sorry!"

"It's okay."

"Mai, come inside for dinner," her father called from inside of the house.

"I'm eating marshmallows, dad," she replied.

"Just get inside."

She sighed and obeyed.

Katara rode by on her bike, and Zuko called,

"Do you like marshmallows?"

"Sure," she replied, and he tossed the fluffy white offender at her. She caught it in her mouth and gave him the thumbs up.

His cell phone rang in the bush.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: This chapter is super short, so I'm going to tell you things that you don't want to know to make it longer. Here is a list of recommended songs to listen to while reading this fic (they're also the ones I listened to): 'Expectations' by Belle and Sebastian, 'Everything's Magic' by Angels and Airwaves, 'Check Yes Juliet' by We the Kings, 'Boston' by Augustana, 'I Am Not a Robot' by Marina and the Diamonds, and 'The Technicolor Phase' by Owl City. Go listen to those. Even if you don't like them, you'll be like, 'Oh my gizzard, this reminds me of that story Undercooked wrote'. I promise.

Also, I'm not going to lengthen any chapters, because I think their length makes them adorable. Thanks for the reviews, everyone.

**Four**

"Play 'O Canada'," suggested Zuko, jumping on the trampoline.

Mai, who was lying on her back on the wall, played the first eight bars of 'O Canada' on her mellophone.

"I don't know any more of it," she shrugged, proceeding to play the first six bars of 'Eleanor Rigby'.

Just then, Jet zipped past on his skateboard, trying to execute some sort of trick but failing badly and falling over.

"What's up, losers?" he asked, standing with a smirk.

"You're not very good at skateboarding," Mai remarked, sitting up.

"Whatever; you're a weird goth bitch." he snorted back, jumping on his skateboard and promptly running into a fence.

"Want me to beat him up?" Zuko asked, raising an eyebrow on the up-jump.

"Why? He's going to die by skateboard any day now."

She played the first ten bars of 'Poker Face'.


	5. Chapter 5

**Five**

"Hi Zuko," said Mai, leaning out the window and into the twilight. "How'd you get on the roof?"

"Ladder," he replied.

"Ah."

Katara rode by in the street below and waved. They waved back.

"...Mai?"

"What?"

"Have you ever seen Katara without her bike?"

"No."

"Me neither. She must have really defined leg muscles by now."

"Mhm."

"Not that I like that. Or anything."

"Are you defending yourself?"

"...No."

"Yes you are."

"Maybe. It's just that I don't want you to think I like Katara, because I don't. We're just friends. I mean, not very good friends, because it would be really hard her for to ride her bike into my house and everything..." he said all in one breath.

"I know."

"Okay. Good."

"Zuko, how are you going to get off the roof?"

"...Can I come in?"


	6. Chapter 6

**Six**

"I've been trying to call you for three days," said Aang, doing a flip on the trampoline. "What happened to your phone?"

"Oh...it's in a bush," Zuko replied, perched on the wall.

"No further questions," Aang said, rolling his eyes and jumping straight up. "Why does your house look so empty?"

"Everyone's gone. Dad's been at some business conference for two weeks, uncle is at the store, and Azula is at clarinet lessons."

"How well can she play the clarinet again?"

"They pipe it straight through to the eighth circle of hell."

"Aha. Hey, man...does Katara still ride her bike by here?" Aang asked, looking at the street pointedly.

"Every day."

"Does she ever say hi?"

"Yeah. But she never stops. Does she ever get off the bike?"

"I only saw it happen once."

"Weird."

"Yeah...she's into the bike, that's for sure. Hey, where's Mai? Isn't she usually over here?"

"You ask way too many questions. She got grounded."

"...Why?"

He received a dirty look, and then a reply;

"Because I climbed in through her window. I was stuck on the roof; her parents totally misinterpreted my intentions."

There was a moment of silence, and in it Aang fell over laughing hysterically.

"I don't find that funny," Zuko said, scowling. In reply, the guffawing bald kid fell off the trampoline and lay laughing on the ground.


	7. Chapter 7

**Seven**

"Let's have a party," said Ty-lee, peering at Zuko upside down, as she was doing a handstand on the wall.

"Why would we have a party?" he asked. "What do we have to celebrate at this exact moment?"

"I just like having parties," she giggled, jumping back to her feet. "Are you in?"

He shrugged.

"Yay!" she cheered, jumping from the wall to the trampoline.

That's how Zuko came to be sitting in a kiddie pool in Ty-lee's yard two days later, drinking ginger ale and watching Mai braid a pink wig that Aang was wearing.

"This is a crazy party, Ty-lee," said Azula sarcastically, eating a handful of red gummi bears. She was wearing a purple and green mardi-gras mask.

"I know!" called the hostess from the roof. "Aren't we having fun?"

"Yeah," Toph sourly, fingering the yellow tutu that Ty-lee had given her. "This is great."

She had just moved in down the block, and was a little horrified at the strangeness of the neighborhood; she was currently sitting on a stool and spinning around aimlessly.

Katara rode by, mysteriously accompanied by Jet, who was wobbling along confidently.

"Hey Katara!" called Ty-lee from the roof. "Join the party!"

"She doesn't hang out with losers like you!" Jet called in reply, crashing into some garbage cans directly after. He swiftly recovered and skated after Katara, who was looking apologetically back.

"You look pretty," Mai said, breaking the ensuing silence, surveying Aang in his pink braided wig.

"I really don't think it's his color," Azula weighed in, throwing a yellow gummi bear into the bushes.

Ty-lee poured a box of macaroni from the roof, most of which ended up in the kiddie pool. Zuko sighed.


	8. Chapter 8

**Eight**

"Hey," the guy working in the delicatessen said. "Don't you live down the street from me?"

"Oh, yeah...aren't you Katara's brother?" replied Zuko.

"That's me!" he replied. "Sokka."

"I didn't know you worked here," Zuko said, looking around at all the meat.

"Well, my father's off fighting the war, and my grandma's suuuuper old, so I'm the primary breadwinner," Sokka said proudly, leaning on the counter.

"Zuko! Let's go. They don't have any of those doodads your sister likes," called his uncle.

"See you around, I guess." Zuko said.

"Yep."

"Tell Katara I said hi."

"I will, if she ever gets off her bike."

"How does she sleep?"

"I dunno. She goes to bed way later than I do. Assuming she goes to bed."

"Weird."

"Zuko!" called the old man.

"Bye."

"Bye."

A backwards look found Sokka expressively talking to a lump of chuck roast while he weighed it. He was as weird as his sister.


	9. Chapter 9

**Nine**

"Hey, can I used your phone? Mine's still in the bush," Zuko said, sitting on her couch.

"Sure," she called from the kitchen. "Your house is five on my speed-dial."

He picked up the phone from the coffee table as she said,

"Oh my god. The old guy across the street is trying to feed his car a ham sandwich. I can see it through the window."

Distracted by this mental image, he accidentally pushed four instead of five.

"Suicide hotline, may I help you?" a kindly woman's voice said into his ear. He swiftly hung up.

"Uh, Mai, why do you have the suicide hotline on speed-dial?"

"Don't jump to conclusions...I have the number on the toothpaste tube on speed-dial too." she responded. "Ew...now the old guy has cheese whiz..."

"On average how many times per week do you call those two numbers?"

"Oh, the toothpaste one I call every other day. A nice man named Marty always talks to me...I hope he doesn't get fired."

"What about...?"

"My mom's going to be home, so maybe you should leave, okay?" she said, coming into the living room.

"Okay," he said, setting down the phone and standing. "See you later, right?"

"Yeah."

When Zuko opened the door, the old man across the street waved and called,

"Want a ham sandwich?"


	10. The Super Ubertastic Adventure 1

A/N: We will now be entering a new section of our tale called the super uber-tastic adventure, which has more than one part and contains a crazy, illegal car trip to the psych ward. Enjoy.

**The Super Uber-tastic Adventure, Parto Uno**

"Hey, can you drive me to the hospital?"

"Why?"

"If you're going to ask questions, I'm going to go home and take everyone one of the pills in the medicine cabinet in my bathroom."

"I guess that's why. I'll get the keys."

As they pulled out of the driveway, Ty-lee waved from her window, calling,

"Where are you going?"

"To the hospital," Mai called out of the passenger's window.

"Cool! Can I come?"

"I'm sixteen. I can only have one non-family member in my car," Zukp pointed out.

"Shut up, Law Abiding Lucy," said Azula, getting into the car. "Come on, Ty-lee!"

She got into the car too, and the car resumed motion. Soon after, they almost ran over Aang, who was taking out the garbage.

"Get in! We're going to the hospital!" Azula called out the window.

"Cool!" he exclaimed, getting into the rapidly filling vehicle.

They passed Sokka and Katara's house, to find Katara working on her bike and Sokka filling his bird bath with red wine.

"Hey, do you want to go to the hospital with us?" Aang called out of the window.

"Sure!" Katara called back, and she and her brother joined the growing gang.

"Why were you putting wine in the bird bath, Sokka?" asked Ty-lee.

"Drunk birds are funny," he shrugged.

Toph, who was sitting on her front steps, jumped when they honked the horn.

"Get into the car! We're going to the hospital!" called Katara, and the blind girl shrugged and got in.

"Where are you going?" called a woman from the door, presumed to be Toph's mother.

"I'm going to the hospital with my friends! God, mom, you're so NOSY!"

And they pulled away.

"I have to pee," said Ty-lee.

"You're going to have to wait until we get there," Zuko replied.

"I'm hungry," whined Azula.

"They have a lot of jello at hospitals, right?" said Mai. "You can get jello when we get there."

"You don't get jello unless you're sick or crazy," Azula griped.

"Sokka is stepping on my foot," Aang said, glaring.

"I can't help it. This car was meant for maybe four people, and there are like eight," the accused rebuttaled.

"We need gas," Zuko said. "I'm going to go to a gas station - you all have five minutes, and then I swear to god I'm leaving without you."

The second the car stopped, everyone piled out, leaving Mai sitting in the car alone, and Zuko outside pumping gas.

"Hey, mister...do you want to buy an icepick?" asked a homeless-looking man, approaching Zuko.

"Um...why would I...want an icepick?"

"You look like the glacier-scaling type," shrugged the hobo. "So how about it? Only twenty bucks."

"Hey, Mai...do you want an icepick?" he asked through the window. "I mean, I know it's not the best present to give a girl, but..."

"Yeah, okay," she replied. "If it's only twenty bucks."

Just then, Sokka was returning from the convenience store, and Zuko relieved him of ten bucks to purchase his interesting goods.

Five minutes later, the entire gang was back in the car, Mai now the proud owner of an icepick.

"Let's sing," Ty-lee suggested, but Azula punched her in the arm.

"Does anyone know where this hospital is?" asked Katara.

A chorus of,

"Not really's and 'no's came back.

"We'll figure it out," shrugged Zuko.

"Next time I'm suicidal I'm going to come to someone with GPS," Mai sighed, turning her icepick over in her lap in a slightly threatening way.


	11. The Super Ubertastic Adventure 2

A/N: This is kind of a filler chapter to get people to where I want them. It's not the best. So, in hopes to reconcile, here's more musicto definitely tune in to: 'Wednesday's Child' by Vermilion Lies, 'Me and You and My Medication' by Boys Like Girls, 'Underclass Hero' by Sum 41, and, of couse, 'Teenagers' by My Chemical Romance. Do it.

Oh, and I totally wish my boyfriend was nice enough to drive me to the mental hospital...

**The Super Uber-tastic Adventure Parto Duo**

"Turn on the radio," suggested Ty-lee. "We can jam."

"Who says the word 'jam'...?" muttered Mai, turning on the radio with her icepick.

"I love this song!" cried half the car, while the other half groaned in agony.

"I think Mai gets to choose the song. I mean, you know, she's suicidal and all..." Zuko said.

"If bad radio makes you commit suicide, then you're far too fragile for existence," Toph pointed out. There was silence for a moment filled only by the bad radio. Then, Azula said,

"Dad's going to put the smackdown on us when we get home, Zuko."

"I know," he replied, scowling at the road.

"How do you say 'smackdown' in French?" asked Sokka absently, playing with a ball and paddle he had found on the floor.

"Do I look like I know how to speak French?" Zuko responded, still scowling.

"No...you look you know how to speak Chinese," Sokka said. "How do you say 'smackdown' in Chinese?"

Azula and Katara punched him in the arm at the same time.

"Look! A hitchhiker!" cried Aang, pointing out the window. It had began to get quite foggy outside, and a very bedraggled looking girl was standing with her thumb out by the side of the road. "Let's pick her up!"

"Because all we need is another person in this car," Toph sighed sarcastically.

Nonetheless, Zuko pulled over and asked,

"Need a ride?"

She nodded mutely, but looked bewildered when the backseat door was opened.

"How...do I fit?" she asked.

"Just get on top of someone," shrugged Ty-lee.

She gingerly climbed onto the laps of several people, and the door was closed again. The obscenely full car was once again put into motion.

"So what's your name?" asked Katara from underneath the hitchhiker.

"I'm Suki," she replied.

"What are you doing out here hitchhiking?" asked Sokka, trying to unwedge his paddle and ball from underneath her.

"I ran away," she stated imperiously.

"That's just great...now the police will be chasing after us," sulked Zuko. "We're, like, seventeen teenagers stuffed into a four seater car with a fugitive from the law headed to the psych ward."

"Just drive slow," Azula sighed.

"I'm driving slow! Do you see me driving slow?" he snapped back.

"I'm not a fugitive from the law," Suki snorted. "I just ran away from home."

There was an awkward silence filled with bad radio, until Mai turned the radio off with her icepick and there was just regular silence.

"...Are we there yet?" asked Ty-lee.

"Aang, you're sitting on all the HoHos I bought at the gas station," Katara accused.

"Why in hell would you buy that many HoHos?" asked Mai, turning around to look.

"I thought we might get hungry," the other girl replied sheepishly.

"What we need is some beef jerky," Sokka put in.

The entire car broke out into a loud squabble about the virtues of cream filled chocolate snacks versus sticks of dried meat. It was getting quite dark by then, and the noise plus the outside conditions were completely incapacitating the driver. He pulled over to the side of the road, and the argument turned into a medley of questions.

"What are you doing?"

"What are we pulling over for?"

"Is that a cemetery?"

Luck would have it that Zuko had pulled over right next to a cemetery. He looked at it, looked at his passengers, and said, twitching a little,

"I can't drive in the fog if you people won't shut the fuck up."

"Let's have a picnic," said Ty-lee, having entirely ignored him.

And so that is what they did.

**Next time: **Graveyard Picnic


	12. The Super Ubertastic Adventure 3

A/N: One more song I forgot: 'Much Like Falling' by Flyleaf. Haha. Now let's read about a bunch of crazy kids in a cemetery.

**The Super Uber-tastic Adventure Parto Treso**

"This tombstone says 'Donna Drown'...I wonder how SHE died," said Sokka contemplatively, taking a bite of his HoHo. Azula punched him, and he spit the bite out.

"This cemetery is so creepy," remarked Katara. They had found a bear-shaped flashlight in the trunk; light spewed from the bear's mouth, and it occasionally made an electronic growling noise. Katara was in possession of the flashlight, and she was waving it around unhelpfully.

"There are too many things to trip over," Toph sulked.

The bear-shaped flashlight growled.

"I've never been with stranger people," Suki said, sitting down by a tombstone and shaking her head.

"I like it here," Mai said, ignoring the general complaining of her friends.

"Well, of course YOU do..." mumbled Toph.

"I think it's kind of cute," said Ty-lee, perching on the steps of a mausoleum and popping a HoHo into her mouth whole. "Hmm yemm liiff."

The bear shaped flashlight growled again.

"This is totally like the plot of a horror film," pointed out Aang. "A bunch of teenagers sit around in a graveyard on a foggy night..."

"Ooooo, I'm terrified..." droned Azula, but her sarcasm turned into a blood-curdling scream as Zuko jumped out from behind a tombstone and grabbed her by the hair.

"Shut UP, the police are going to come!" cried Katara, shining the bear flashlight on the angered sister and the guffawing brother.

"You're going to...wake the dead," Sokka joked, and then flinched, even though no-one moved to punch him.

Aang and Zuko high-fived, and Azula went to sulk by the mausoleum with Ty-lee, who was giggling behind her hand.

It was now completely dark, and the fog was thicker than ever.

"It is so completely cliche out here," Suki pointed out.

"Our entire lives are cliche," Mai shrugged.

"...How?" asked Toph, sitting where she stood, which was on the grave of a Mr. Roy G. Biv.

"Just think about it. We're a bunch of misfit kids who all live on the same street and who went on some crazed adventure together," was the reply, which made a lot of sense but was not comforting.

"Yeah...our lives ARE cliche..." Aang mused.

"Totally. It's all 'boy falls in love with neighbor girl' and 'quirky friends come along for comedic relief'," agreed Katara, swinging the flashlight around in a seizure-inducing way while she gesticulated. It growled in response. Azula walked over and calmly wrestled it from her, and from then on the light was a lot steadier.

They all contemplated the horrible cliche they were currently living, snacking on a great many HoHos and drinking cranberry juice that Mai had carried along. The aforementioned played about with her pickaxe and the dirt.

"Let's sleep here," Ty-lee said brightly after a moment.

A chorus of 'no's and 'are you fucking insane's came from the group members.

"I think it's a good idea," Suki agreed.

"Shut up, homeless girl," glared Zuko. "We are not sleeping in a cemetery. There are dead people."

"I'm not homeless," she sniffed. "I'm a runaway. Like Joan Jett."

He rolled his eyes, but thankfully it was dark and the now-growling bear flashlight was being turned somewhere else at the moment.

It was eventually worked out that Zuko, Mai, and Toph would sleep in the car, and everyone else would camp out in the cemetery.

It was a living/dead sleepover, and it would not end well.


End file.
